I am not the crazy one

I sometimes feel like all I do is complain. But this needs to come out. This is what I want in life I want to help people and to feel appreciated. I want to feel loved and to love others. It bothers me when people don't appreciate my help and treat me like I am incompetent. Some days I can't chase this feeling away and I wish that I could live somewhere else. Preferably in a big city like SF in an apartment and I would have a job where I would make enough money to get by but I would be happy because people love and appreciate me. Well the fact is happiness has to start with me regardless of how others treat me.

Somewhere between a rock and confusion

A few years ago I saw an edited version of the movie, When Harry Met Sally. One of the main themes behind the movie is that men and women can never be friends because they end up falling in love. I have never found this to be true. I have had many guy friends and proven this to be wrong, until now. I'm not sure what to call it but I have been sort of dating/talking to this guy that I met a while ago. It was way too on and off and confusing for me, for example he told me that he likes me and is interested in me and then doesn't call me for a week. So I told him I was tired of being confused and he needed to make up his mind. Long story short we decided to be just friends and that we should keep our plans to hang out this past monday. Just before I met up with him I mentally went through the do's and don'ts of being friends. Don't let him pay for you. If you do hug don't stand too close and make sure it doesn't last too long. In my mind these are all things that just naturally happen with guy friends. Well as soon as I saw him I forgot everything. We ate at this incredibly romantic Brazilian restraunt and I had a fantastic time until we went to say goodbye. He tried to kiss me and I turned my head. I have never done that before. But in that second I remembered that we are just friends and he doesn't want to date me. It felt like someone had just split my heart open. So I will be keeping my appointment with the stake president tomorrow to turn in my mission papers.

Jumbleation

I have this terrible habbit of wanting to be somewhere or do something that I can't have. Example: I have a hard time enjoying college while I am there. When I was in high school I couldn't wait to be in college. Now that I am there I just want to graduate and have a real career where I actually make money. Sometimes I will flirt with guys and try to get them to like me even if I know that we wouldn't be good together or I am not really that interested. I just think it is fun to try and see how sucessful I am. Right now I am trying to enjoy the fact I am at home with my family and dogs. I miss all of my friends. I miss Shelly, my twin. I miss Shawna who makes me laugh so hard I pee my pants. I miss the times when I didn't have to worry about a baby spitting up or peeing all over me. I wish I lived in Utah so I could see a certain someone more often. I love living with my family. We have a beautiful garden that I could sit and smell all day. Right now I am eating a giant, cold dilectible piece of watermelon. I am happy but a little restless.

The Worst Suprise Ever

I went to the dentist yesterday. I was actually pretty excited because I love going to the dentist and I hadn't gotten a cleaning since I started college. As part of filling out my mission papers I have to go to a dentist and make sure that my teeth will be ok for the next 18 months. I do not have all of my teeth, some molars are missing and my wisdom teeth are too.
When the nurse brought in my x-rays I nearly passed out. I thought it was a joke. No no no those aren't mine! They look fake! Can I get a second oppinion! I just stared at those two little mennacing teeth. Where on earth did they come from?! The dentist told me that I should get them removed, and he's right because I don't have any teeth to match them on the bottom and so they will just keep growing and growing. I can pull them or get implants. I started laughing when he suggested implants because I thought it was so rediculous.
So here I am in the middle of finals week, moving on Friday and I'm getting my wisdom teeth removed today. Probably not y best idea ever... but when I set out to do something I am bound and determined to do no matter what. I will just pray for Wolverine's super power to temporarily exist in my body.

Why?!

I really like this guy but he won't ask me out. This is frustrating. And sad and I am not a patient person in this department. Maybe he just isn't interested. I am so tired of dating.

Andrew Bird

I am boycotting ugly hair

I am so sick of ugly hair! Why do people choose to look like idiots!? Here are some faux paus I hope to never see again once I leave Idaho.

Do you want your hair to look like an animal just died on top of your head?! Seriously that's what these ladies look like.

Why would you wear a headband this way? You look like you belong in a science fiction film, and I don't mean that in a good way!

Here is something I have a hard time understanding. People who protest animal cruelty but they support abortion. I know that this has been an explosive and sensitive subject for years. Yesterday in my dramatic literature class we were talking about the post modern age in which we live in. People's values and world views are different from what they used to be. People are not comfortable with the ideas of fixed truths. Also political actions are very important. This is what I struggle with. Proposition 8 passed, which I did support, along with two other propositions. One allows girls 12 years old to get an abortion without parental consent. The other proposition required farm animals to have a certain amount of space and room to walk around. I just have a hard time understanding why animals would be more important than people. I love animals and I think animal abuse is horrible and awful. I have to leave the room whenever one of those comercials comes on with Sarah McGlaklan. Here is my point: if animals have rights why don't unborn babies. Legaly they are considered human. In the trial of Scott Peterson he was tried for double homocide because he killed his pregnant wife. I was just thinking about this today and I needed to get my thoughts out. Thanks for listening.

Clothing with a Cause

In my search for the perfect bridesmaid dress I happend upon this website. They sell t-shirts and they all cost $38. The proceeds feed one orphan in Africa for a month. They are acutally pretty cool shirts and some of the designs are inspired by the children. So cool! Here are my favs.

Oo la la

I am doing a report on Annie Dillard. She is a female author. The link I attached is to her website, yes she is living! Anyway she writes mostly poetry and non-fiction, basically she is fab. She also does artwork that she sells for only $350 and the proceeds go to Partners in Health! Basically if I had money these are the paintings I would own.

Some things just never change

Even as a young child I was boy crazy! I remember some of my earliest crushes today.
One of the first guys I ever liked was this elder serving in my ward, I was 4 or 5, he was Italian and had the most beautiful accent. I loved the way he said my name. Whenever he came over for dinner I would just stare at him and think how beautiful he was. Weird!
Ok, honestly who doesn't have a thing for Italian men? Every girl dreams of falling in love with a beautiful Italian man. They are passionate, good looking and the whole idea is incredibly romantic. I have this reocurring dream where I am standing outside the temple with my husband. He is tall, muscular, has dark brown hair and stunning blue eyes. He looks Italian.
Here's another example. My first kiss, when I was four, was to this boy named Michael. I had the biggest crush on him and one day I kissed him because my brother told me not to. Anyway, we were pretty much best friends. He was black. Later in third grade I had the biggest crush on this black boy named Chris, he was so funny. Even at seven I thought I was in love.
These days I am attracted to almost any black man I meet. I don't what it is, ok really I do. Their skin is gorgeous, they are muscular and so manly. Anyway, today I was at WinCo and this black guy caught me checking him out. I was kind of embarassed that he could tell I thought he was the finest thing I'd seen all day.

A lovely vacation

I drove all night on Wednesday and met my roomate Susannah in San Francisco. It was so nice! We got a hotel that was off Vernon and Broadway for only $50 a night! Once we found it and checked in we explored the city, I have been to SF more times than I can count but this was Susannah's first time. We at linner(late lunch\early dinner) and a Japanese restaurant. I think it was called Sushi Rock. I got some egg rolls, pickled cucumbers, and rice. I ate my entire meal with chopsticks, it was really hard but I didn't have any other choice. We then walked to Japan town, which was a little disappointing because it was so small and most of the shops were closed. Then we walked through Union square to China town which was a lot of fun. I found a really cute teapot but I am pretty sure it had lead paint on it. When I asked the store clerk she said that you have to use lead to get color on the teapot I was dissappointed and mad at the same time! After Susannah had made friends with most of the store owners and the shops began to close we took the muni back to our hotel. Unfortunately this was a little more adventuresome than we had bargined for. Neither of us noticed that the there are different routes after 7pm. After one wrong muni we finally got on the right one and made it to our hotel without being shot.

Online the hotel promised a free breakfast, much to the disappointment of our stomachs and our wallets the hotel did not deliver. We walked to Japan town and ate at a lovely bakery. Now that I was feeling human again we went to a little Japaneese market where Susannah made friends with all the people there. Susannah is fluent in Japaneese and Chineese. We checked out of the hotel and hoped on the muni and headed toward union square!

After googling the guys that were raising money for the troops in only their underwear I refreshed my soul at anthropologie! I wish I could live in that store! Unfortunately I was super broke and the only thing I could afford was this cool notebook. It is adoreable and I can't wait to start writting in it!

After Union square we went to Fisherman's warf, I really didn't want to go because it is so touristy but Susannah had never been so she dragged me there. We ate lunch at Boudin, my favorite! Everything there is so delicious and tasty! Then we went to a beach near the Golden Gate Bridge and took some picutures. Afterwards we drove across the bridge and took the 101 to a bunch of other freeways that eventually led up to 80. It was acutally a good route because we went through a lot of 'country' and avoided a lot of traffic.

On the way to Auburn we stopped at a fruit stand in Yolo and had a lovely dinner. The produce in Idaho pales in comparison to Californina. We spent Friday night and all day Saturday with my family. It was so refreshing!

On Saturday we marched in Auburn's parade with the Tea Party Patriot's group which Emily organized. The Tea Party Patriots is a really cool group that I will blog about later. We had over 100 people march with us! I am so proud of my sister Emily for organizing the event. At the end of the parade there were fireworks and we bought some kettle corn. The show was pretty good considering it was free. It was really cute because Sydney kept clapping after every firework went off.

When Sunday rolled around I was reluctant to leave. I didn't want to come back. I wanted to stay with my family, but here I am back in Idaho... blogging. PS pictures of the events mentioned to follow, I didn't take any pictures so I am waiting for them to get posted on fb and then I will post them on my blog.

Thursday Thoughts

A lot has been swimming in my mind lately, sometimes it is too much and too murky to make anything out. Here's what happened today.

I corrected my English teacher's english. Granted his tie that had orcas on it was super distracting it certainly didn't distract me from being a smart-alec!

This is what I realized, well I've known this about myself for a while now, but I discovered more than I wanted to know. I am a perfectionist, particularly when it comes to english grammar. For example, I do not read newspapers because it is far too painful. The countless spelling errors and general abuse of the english language is too much for me to take. Books are usually higher quality literature, but there are always exceptions.

Does my fetish stop here. In conversations I am always correcting people's grammar and trying to find better words than the ones they chose. I am crazy and obnoxious. Just ask my roomates, none of them are native english speakers and I correct them constantly. One of them taught English for a year and her english is terrible!

This brings me to my next point. I live with monkeys. They constantly invade my space. This is odd I know but just hear me out. I go to take a shower and their face wash is in the area where I keep my toiletries. I am crazy but this drives me insane. I need my own space. I need to sleep without people knocking on my door asking me questions. I need to be able to have a conversation on the phone without people asking me for favors. I need my space! We are not best friends, stop using me! I am not your mother!

I am at my breaking point. It doesn't matter how much time I spend away, it is always there when I get back. The same old situation. The same half eaten apple or half eaten yogurt with no lid on it. Or worse half an onion just sitting in the refridgerator. Disgusting!

Why organizing things when you can hap-hazardly throw them wherever you feel. If you don't care that your apple that your half eaten apple and yogurt will now taste like the refrigderator why would you care about organization.

I know I am not the picture of perfection. When I have my own room it is a mess, but I don't parade my friends through my room when it is a mess. I have some pride. I do not like to eat things that taste like the refridgerator smells. I do not allow my cucumbers to rot in the drawers and then laugh it off when someone else cleans up after me!

It is easier to be friends with monkeys when you don't have to live with them.

Question

How do I post videos from youtube? Does anyone know? Please help!

I had the most wonderful dream. My grandma Nonie took me shopping. It was so much fun to spend time with her and to let her spoil me! I really miss her. I know that I will see her again one day.

A little venting

So I'm sitting here in the library about to loose my mind. I hate that my laptop died and my parents aren't going to buy a new one unless I am in school. It's practical I know but man it sucks not having a computer. Luckily I have a blackberry and I have some internet access. But it is not the same.
I am so sick of school. I don't want to be here. I want to be home. I feel like a failure. I am embarassed that I got to where I am. I am going to fail 3 classes. It's too late, there's nothing I can do, I can't even drop the classes. But I have to hang in and pass my two classes. The beacons of hope that will save me from academic probation. Caring is exhausting. I'm tired I don't want to anymore.
I am tired of people assuming that I am some good, perfect person. That I am a genius with straight A's and no problems, other than being occasionally annoying. I am a normal person with FLAWS! I am not a doll. I make mistakes, I screw up all the time. I have a swearing problem. I hate feeling like people expect me to be a perfect person, when I am nothing close to that!
I'm sorry you had to read this but I just really needed to say what's been on my mind. I feel better now.

A square peg in a round hole

I discovered this yesterday, actually a friend told me that in Japan they have square watermelons because they fit in your refrigerator better and they taste better too, because they are smaller and the sugar is more condensed. I don't know if they really taste better but man they are cool! If I was in California I would definitely grow my own. I found a website that tells you how to do it, it doesn't seem too hard.

Is life a tragedy or a comedy?

Recently I saw the film, Melinda Melinda. I liked it a lot I thought the concept was really interesting. The premise of the movie is two playwrights are sitting down to dinner with two other people and they are discussing whether life is inherently tragic or comedic. Then a guy tells them a bare bones story and the playwrights take turns telling the story as a tragedy and the other one tells it as a romantic comedy.

I hate to admit it but I prefered the tragic version of the story. Romantic comdies generally do not interest me because I feel that they are so over the top and unrealistic. However, I do not believe that life is inherrently tragic or comedic because life is not a film, book or a play. If it were it would be a mixture of all genres: comedy, romance, tragedy and irony.

A random little Q&A

My friend Leah did this on her blog and I really liked it, she said we could respond by posting in in our blog so you can too.

1. What's your favorite non-food/ supporting food (e.g. ice cream cones (the cone itself), whipped cream, marshmallow creme)?

Chocolate Jimmies, they make everything more delicous and fun!

This is a box of Jimmies! It weighs 6 POUNDS and costs only $9.50 if you want to get me a rediculously awesome present!

2. Favorite book pre-high school?

Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech

3. Whose handwriting do you envy?

I wish I had a signature like John Hancock's. I also like Emily Dickinson's handwritting.

4. What does your blog title mean/ where did it come from?

I was watching a tv show while setting up my blog and this lady said she was a laundry list of problems and I liked the way it sounded. And Harper, who helped me create my blog, liked it too.

5. Favorite chore (or least hated):

I love cleaning the bathroom, I always feel good after it is done. I also love doing laundry. My Aunt Eileen once said that she loved doing laundry because she loved that she could take something dingy and disgusting and make it beautiful and clean. I think that is so poetic. Plus you can do other things while doing laundry, it is the least labor intensive chore and I love wearing clothes that are fresh out of the dryer!

6. What's your favorite kind of chip (baking and dipping)?

Dipping: Terra Potpourri Chips, it is a mix of sweet potato chips, terra blue chips, youkon gold chips, and red potato chips.

Baking: Ghirardelli milk chocolate chips. These are the only baking chips that taste so good I would eat them plain.

7. Favorite animal (mythological and real)?

Mythological: Luckdragon, from The Neverending Story

Real: Dog, cat, liger and zorse

Your turn! You can respond to this post or create a post of your own on your blog.

Happy Birthday Shelly!

Today is Shelly's birthday! Shelly is my other half, we share a brain! I miss her to pieces right now. Very few people know me better than Shelly, she can usually tell what I am even thinking. I am sad that I do not get to throw Shelly the best birthday party she has ever seen... but one day I will throw her the party of the century. She and I have been friends for life, ok not really. When we were kids we actually hated each other and we would fight all the time. Looking back I have no idea why, ok well I used to be super bosy... that could have something to do with it.

Shelly you are amazing! I love you so much. You have been there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on. No matter what happens you will always be my best friend and I will always be there for you because we are family and friends. Happy birthday Weezah! You know I love you more than my luggage!

If I had money...

Looking at all of the old bikes made me want an old car. If I had a lot of money here are some that I would buy.

First off, building a collection is like building a family, you need lots of variety with an overall feeling of cohesiveness. To start my collection I would get some really old cars, to kind of round things out.

1928 Ford Model A

1939 Lincoln Zephyr

1941 Cadillac Coupe

Now for my favorite category! Classic muscle cars from the '50's, 60's and '70's. This is the largest and most important category to me.

1955 Ford Crown Victoria

My Grandma Nonie used to drive a Crown Victoria, I would get this car because it reminds me of her, plus it is really cute!

1973 Chevrolet Corvette

This car is gorgeous! Enough said, right? I think I'm starting to drool!

1967 Ford Mustang

This is another beautiful car that I have always loved, in fact I would consider collecting just Ford mustangs. I would get this car specifically for my mom though because she used to have one.

1968 Chevrolet Camaro

1953 Hudson Hornet

I would get this car for Andres and Sydney because they love the movie Cars. I love this car, it is just cool. I picture pulling up somewhere and 20 kids just piling out of the backseat.

1956 Ford Thunderbird

I don't know why but this car makes me think of my dad. I guess I picture him driving this car when he was a teenager, because he is way too tall for this car! This car would probably be more fitting for Shelly.

1966 Dodge Charger

Not only is this car rediculously good looking it is also the car that Michael Westin, from the tv show Burn Notice, drives.

1965 Ford Cobra

This car is a replica but man it still looks good!

1969 Chevy Camaro

I would get this car for Alissa. She loves orange and man she would look good in this car!

Happy Father's Day!

I am so greatful for my Father. I have learned so much from him. I've learned how to focus my energy and be more effective, how to clean deeply and that if I work hard enough and determination I can accomplish anything. I love you Dad!

I think Murray is lonely...

I have the most amazing bike! It is a cruiser from the 70's. It is brown and has the name Murray painted on it, I didn't just make it up. I love going for bike rides, it is a great time to clear my head and it really leaves me feeling happy and energized. But lately I get the feeling that Murray is lonely and would like some friends, Murray was free and just kind of came to be mine. So I did a little research and here are some of my favorites.

Something like a phenonmenon

The other day I learned about the lines of Nazca, it was so cool! No one really knows for sure when or how they were formed, and there are some crazy theories too! One theory is that UFO's made them, some people think a man made them (which isn't feasable).... and some people think that the earth was just formed that way.

Here is an overview of what they look like all together.

Here is the monkey.

Here is the spider.

Here is the bird.